The Swan Golf Society
was formed back in the early 1990's and organise various society days out during the year, along with the infamous 4 day tour in May ( going to Vilamoura in 2014).
We also play other pubs and currently hold the Swan v Essex salver which is proudly displayed behind the bar (next to the golfing owl)! Current score Swan 4 Essex 0 (update - this was nicked by Coops and is currently up at the Essex)

Fixtures on the calendar include the summer golf day at the end of August (usually the Sunday before the Bank Holiday), where the usual rubbish prizes are there to be won.
Quite a few of the regulars in the Swan are golfers and are members of local clubs.
Golf Terminology
A Diego Maradonna - Nasty little five footer.
An Adolf Hitler - Taking two shots in a bunker
An O.J. Simpson - Somehow got away with it
A Kate Moss - A bit thin
A Salman Rushdie - An impossible read
A Rock Hudson - Thought it was straight, but it wasn't
The Durex shot - sexy, if you can pull it off.
A Gerry Adams - provisional
A Tony Blair - a bad lie
The Mrs Robinson shot - you should not be taking it on but it just looks so very tempting.
A Michael Jackson - gradually fading
An Elvis - caught in a trap
A Dennis Wise - Another nasty little five footer.
A Paula Radcliffe - Ugly, but a good runner
A Kate Winslett - A bit fat but otherwise perfect
A Sister-in-law - Up there but I know that I shouldn't be
Putting like a gynaecologists assistant - Shaving the hole.
A Ladyboy - Looks like an easy hole but all may not be what it
A Monica Lewinsky - All lip no hole
A Glen Miller - didn't get over the water
A Son-in-law" - not what you wanted, but it'll do
A Cuban - needed one more revolution
A Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sand
An Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to get a result
A Douglas Bader - no legs

Spot the ball competition

Ten Best Caddy Responses . .

Number :10
Golfer: "I think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

Number : 9
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."

Number : 8
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes . . . . You miss the ball much closer now."

Number : 7
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."

Number : 6
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so . . . .That would be too much of a coincidence."
Number : 5
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."

Number : 4
Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "It's very good - but personally, I prefer golf."

Number : 3
Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?
Caddy: "The way you play, it's a sin on any day."

Number : 2
Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course . . . . We left that an hour ago."

And the Number : 1 . . . . Best Caddy Comment:
Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."
Hole in one club


After another hole in one, we have received an email from Mr Knowles which asks us to :

"point out that Messrs Seward & Dangerous are yet to achieve this feat!!!"
(still valid Aug 2016)
Current members of this exclusive club:
Messrs. C Stone (three times), Carey, Short, Knowles (twice), Bryant (three times), Ford, 007  (anyone else?)

Alan Mizen's Memorial Golf Day - Sat. 24th June 2017
link for golf pics, many thanks to Alex Ripley:
Swan Golf Tour May 2017 - Albufeira

The Swan open has a new winner after a high scoring day all round at a forgiving Woodlands. Andy Rowe prevailed scoring 45 pts off 18 with Jimmy Jenkins pushing him all the way scoring 44 off 12.

As both were in the same team they won that as well along with Ian Vickery and Phil Chea with a magnificent team score of 128 pts.
September 2016
Swan Golf Tour 5/6/7 May 2016 - La Cala Golf Resort Spain

Swan Golf Tour 2015 - Albufeira
The Swan Open Golf  Day - 24 August 2014
The Swan Open recently held at Tracy Park golf course, was hailed a huge success by all competitors, with special praise for the organisation and transportation .
This years event was keenly contested with many staking a claim for the coveted title, Without the likes of previous winner Rich Carey and messers Riley, Ford, Sheppard, Dew and Thomas it was a very open competition. The competition was geared up for someone like Mogg, Knowles, Chea, Goodwin or Locke to burst from the pack to clinch victory with their rather generous handicaps.
It was, however, late entrant Stu Roley who took the spoils shooting a brilliant 37 pts off of 4. Andy Rowe came runner up with a 35pts.
No team event this year due to numbers, but there were 5 nearest the pins won by Andy Rowe, Jon Billingham, Rob Pymm, Paul Lewis and it wouldn’t be a Swan golf day without Nick Seward also picking up a prize.
Unfortunately Stu was unable to collect his trophy so Pete Ferris accepted on his behalf.
Swan Golf Tour 2014 - Vilamoura
The Swan Open - 25 August 2013 - Dewstow Golf Club

Swan Golf Tour 2013 - Hampshire

Swan Summer Open 2012
Sunday 26 Aug
- Cares wins the old putter

We apologise for the poor quality of the pictures, but Coops reckons it was the camera at fault!!

The Swan Golf Tour Hampshire 2012
The Swan Xmas blow out 2011
Wednesday 28th December 2011
magic bus leaves 9.30
numbers limited, Coffee on arrival, 2 course carvery
Stop on way back tba - early evening
The Swan Summer Open 2011
for the old putter
Sunday 28th August 2011
Tour 2011 details
Thurs 12th May until Sunday 15th May
Rushmore Golf Club
on arrival

Isle of Purbeck
 Chicken Curry
Bulbury Woods
Steak Pie

The Mendip Golf Club
2 course Dinner
The Swan Shirehampton Golf Day
Friday March 4th 2011- magic bus leaves 10.30, numbers limited
Bacon roll & coffee on arrival, Chefs roast of the day, strawberry cheesecake
A sightseeing trip in Clifton early evening
Full course details - follow link on right 
The Swan Xmas blow out 2010

Tuesday 28th December 2010 magic bus leaves 9.30, numbers limited, Coffee on arrival, 2 course carvery
Keynsham at Christmas - early evening

The Swan Summer Open 2010
for the old putter
Sunday 29th August 2010
(Sunday before Bank Holiday Monday)
12.30 start
numbers limited - BBQ  back at the Swan - Joe collecting names

Tour 2010 details
Thurs 6th May until Sunday 9th May
Playing at Bramshaw Golf Club on the Manor Course. 
Full English Bramshaw breakfast on arrival. 18 holes of golf.

Playing at Dudsbury Golf Course. 18 holes of golf. Plus Ham Egg & chips

Playing Meyrick Park Golf Club
18 holes of golf. Plus Lamb roast dinner.

Playing Bath Golf Course (Sham Castle) 
18 holes of Golf. Plus Roast beef dinner & desert.
 Dangerous shows how to cope with a tricky lie!
Golf Day
26th Feb 2010

coffee & bacon roll
homemade steak pie
chips & peas
The Swan Winter Golf Day
Monday 28th December 2009 -
Cumberwell Golf Club
The Swan Autumn Golf Day
Friday 6th November 2009

Nearest the pin

Longest Drive
The Mayor

Winning Team
Puffer, Shorty &

Overall winner

Hole in One for Knowlsey

The Swan Summer Golf Day
Sunday 30th August 2009

Tricky lie 1

Tricky lie 2

Last year's winner
 Dangerous presents the old putter
to 2009 winner - The Mayor

Winning Team
Terry, Derek & Nick
The Swan Golf Tour 2009 - 14th May - 17th May - Bournemouth

The 2009 tour was a great success. Good courses, good accommodation, great weather, and a coach that actually turned up. The new up and coming travel company ‘Dangerous tours’ have been requested to organise the golf tour for next year. After speaking to most of the people who went last year, they would like to go for one last year at Bournemouth playing 4 new courses. It will include 3 nights accommodation, a coach and driver, and 4 rounds of golf.
As Brian & Coops were first to pay the balance last year, I am sure that they will lead by example again this year?
Deposit of £100 will be required by 1st October 2008.
Balance must be paid by 1st February 2009.
However, the sooner, the better! 
Please see Jamie Knowles, Mark Bryant, or Joe behind the bar to pay any money.

The places automatically go to the people who went last year, however if you are interested please speak to Jamie or Mark in case people drop out

Queens Park Golf Club
Golf and meal

Meyrick Park Golf Club
Golf and meal

Ashley Woods Golf Club
Golf and meal

Castle Combe Golf Club
Bacon roll on arrival,
bucket of balls for the range
buggies included, two course meal
2009 Golf tour handicaps after final day
Almize 13.6 Darbs 24.5 Fordy 7.9 Shorty 14.6 Seaweed 2.4 Scary 5.4
Rowey 7.9 Carts 1.3 Stoney 6.2 Dangerous 6.1 Pig 16.8 Snooks 8.6
Knowlesy 20.0 Puffer 24.5 Joe 34.0 Sid 22.5 Lewey 8.9 Barry 15.3
Spenny 13.4 The Mayor 18 Moggy 24.4 Ben 25.5 The Ferret 18.5 007 22.8


The Swan Spring Golf Day - Friday 20th March 2009 "The 2010 Ryder Cup experience"  Celtic Manor
The hills were alive with the sound of sheep, as the Swan dirty dozen made their way to the home of Welsh golf.
Twelve men taking on the big 2010 Ryder Cup course.
As we arrived, our own personal Welsh man collected our sticks and took us to our own personal lockers. To say the clubhouse and its surroundings were a bit posh is an understatement, but at least the Mayor felt at home. Look at the view said the Mayor, where's the bar (?) said a couple of others. I don't think Monty would have been to impressed with our warm up, but why change the habits of a life time. After a couple of throat stretchers, it was down to the practice area for a another type of warm up. The starter asked puffer his tactics to master the course. He replied - if the balls going forward it's another shot nearer the bar! Wise words from the master of disaster.
The teams were drawn and battle was about to commence. The first fourball out were Shorty, Puffer, Dangerous & Moggy D - nicknamed numptys by the landlord. They were followed by the dream team of Lewy, Rowey, Fordy & Care's. The last four to go out were Moggy J, the Mayor, Pimmy & the mighty golfing legend Seward.
It took about 5 hours to get round but would have been quicker if lime green boy had not jumped in - but then again if you pay £3.500 to join you can do anything you want.
As the teams were sat on the balcony after their rounds, tales of wonder shots came out, like the dream team all winning free rounds by hitting the 10th green. Care's getting over the water in two on the par 5 18th - only 545 yards! Shorty hitting a straight shot for once to win longest drive & Dangerous just being dangerous.
Who won I hear you cry - of course team numpty took the team prize, Shorty won the longest banana drive, Rowey nearest the pin and overall winner was that well know golfing guru Puffer with a total score of 32 points.
Overall the opinion of the guys was the course was not in the greatest of nick, but it was nice to say that we had played on the hollowed turf and lost balls with the best of them.
After a hearty meal of mega portions it was back on the coach and off to a choice of venues - St Mary Redcliffe church for a evening of brass rubbing & organ cleaning, or a pub crawl of Hotwells (near God's country), First stop the Nova Scotia, a nice little quiet establishment that served a nice drop of rat tail cider. Over the road to the Pump House for more rat tail cider, and then on to the Rose of Denmark for some more rat tail cider. In the two hours, we had many a laugh. Like the regular in the Nova who said he had drink rat tail all his life and never been sick, shat himself a few times but never had been sick, Spoofing in the Pump House and the Mayor tracking down a piano in the Rose of Denmark and keeping the boys happy with playing his full playlist from his no 1 album "Derek Duval plays - you hum it I'll play it sing-along jive bunny stars on 45 mega party mix".
It was then back on the coach and heading back for Gerry's prices (thank God £4 a pint at the Celtic Manor). There was still time for a quick rendition of the top download song of the month "and Seward says you won f-all". Joe said his farewells and the boys finished the night singing away to Warren and thinking - where did it all go wrong - happy days.
A couple of quotes from the day:

"i dedicate that win for the common people of Lower Hanham and surrounding area's" - Dave "Puffer" Riley.

"anyone know a good piano tuner?"   - Derek "The Mayor" Duval.

"not gin again Shorty" - Rich "mothers ruin" Carey.

"I loves this rat tail cider - I can drink it all night" - Mark "home by nine" (Dangerous) Bryant.

"best golf day ever, Knowlsie"  - Nick "golfing robot - the wheels have come off" Seward

Great day out, thanks to the boys who did the leg work once again. One things for sure you always know Swan golf days are great days and it beats working ? happy days

yours in sport puffer.

ps 6 weeks till tour. even happier days!!

Thanks Big Man, a career (non-paying) awaits you in journalism - DB

Longest Drive - Shorty

Nearest the pin - Rowey

Winning Team

Individual Winner - Puffer

The Swan Winter 2  Golf Day Friday 20th Feb 2009

at "The Batch"

Winning Team

Longest Drive - Rob

Individual Winner

Nearest the pin - Joe

The Swan Winter Golf Day - Monday 29th December 2008


Cumberwell Golf Club
Controversy - who nicked the cracker?
First the good news.
Twenty four hardy golfers met at 7.45 for a course briefing at the Swan, before leaving on the coach for Cumberwell Golf Club. The weather being cold but bearable, a good day was had by all apart from Mr. Seward who was somewhat miffed because his banker source of income i.e. the individual prize, was not staged this year. A suitable song/chant was composed for the occasion!
Cards were drawn for the groupings, and the quartet of The Judge, Spenney, Kev and James won the competition with a total of 46 points. Longest drive produced a shock result when Dangerous out drove everyone else. Hedgey won nearest the pin on a rock hard 7th hole. It being Danny's birthday, he presented the prizes. The day was finished off with a stop on the way back and a Karaoke session at the Swan.
Now the bad news
The Swan Golf Society is rightly proud of its reputation of being impeccably behaved when on society days. Many Golf clubs have commented on our standard of conduct and behaviour, along with our unwavering dedication to boosting their bar income. With this in mind, we totally refute any accusations of theft. Admittedly, there was a large room next to ours which was set out for the New Years Eve dinner/dance, but we are totally confident no-one from our Society nicked a cracker from a table.
If necessary we'll get that lawyer who got O J Simpson off several years ago to fight our case.
Let them produce their evidence!!

Email from Mr. Carey
"Dangerous and Seward finding good use for the bin on the 17th at The Players on Wed."
Spin the Dick!
Spotted in the Woo-Woo bar on a recent visit to The Molesworth Inn at Wadebridge  - this pic for will jog the memories of tour members!!
The Swan Autumn Golf Day - Friday 7th Nov 2008  - Bath Golf Club


Winning Team
Shorty, Cares, Seward & The Mayor

Seward 39pts!!

Nearest Pin

Longest Drive

Expectant father


The Swan Summer Golf Day - Sunday 24th Aug 2008  - The Park - Crown Course

Dangerous 44pts!!

Runner up
Lewey 38pts

Winning Team
Sid, Rowey, Dangerous & 007

Longest Drive

Nearest Pin
The Swan v Essex Golf Day - Friday August 1st 2008 - The Kendleshire

The Swan Golf Tour 2008
May 8 to11

Crane Valley Golf club
Is one of the pro am courses.

Tee times – 12.00 –13.00
Full English breakfast on arrival.



Camford Magna Golf Course

The Parkland course
Tee times – 13.00 – 14.00

Spikes Bar Meal after golf


Ferndown Golf Club
Park Course
Tee times – 13.00 – 14.00
Sandwiches and chips after golf.



Cumberwell Park Golf Club
Red & Yellow Course.
Tee times – 12.30 – 13.30

2 Course sit down meal after golf


2008 Golf tour handicaps after final day
Almize 13.8 Darbs 22.0 Fordy 2.8 Shorty 11.8 Seaweed 0.9 Scary 1.2
Rowey 4.0 Carts 1.0 Stoney 10.9 Dangerous 6.2 Pig 15.8 Snooks 6.3
Tubbs 17.7 Puffer 20.9 Joe 31.0 Sid 24.8 Lewey 8.6 Barry 16.8
Britney 9.8 The Mayor 14.8 Coops 25.0 Dags 27.0 The Ferret 17.4 007 19.0
The Swan  v Hanham Athletic F.C.

Thurs 27 Dec
Cumberwell Golf Club
Archive Golf Pics

2002 Tour

The Red Fleece

2001 Tour

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